Category Archives: that's too funny

You never know what you’ll find.

Several years ago, the appearance of a Goodwill donation truck in the local commuter lot prompted a running gag in our family. The truck sat there in plain sight of the interstate indefinitely. Might even still be there. I don’t know. We moved a few months ago. After donating 40% of our belongings to Goodwill, actually.

Anyway…Every time Merkin and BratzBasher drove past, they’d speculate on what sort of items might be dropped off there. After spotting a volunteer sitting in the back of the truck one day, they had a little story going about poor Henry, an elderly man whose wife decided he didn’t match the furniture anymore. Poor Henry was left to await collection in the back of the Goodwill trailer. Why do I mention this? Because it turns out that there is a surprising amount of leeway in what you can donate to Goodwill.*

I dropped BB off at college this morning and spent a little time wandering the local Goodwill. You never know what bizarre things you might find, and I sometimes send photos of funny discoveries to BB for her to look at between classes. Last week, it was a 4-ft-tall chili pepper plushy with a mustachioed grin and a sombrero. This morning, I was so stunned by my discovery that I forgot to take a photo. I’m sure y’all will understand why. It was sitting on the top shelf of an end-of-aisle display featuring decorative knick-knacks. It looked like a large, white, ceramic egg (about 6″ tall). I turned it around to see if there was any sort of picture or design on it. Maybe it was an Easter decoration? It was completely unadorned, but it seemed oddly heavy, so possibly a bookend? I hefted it up off the shelf to confirm that it was definitely heavier than a hollow, ceramic egg should be. That’s when I noticed the plug on the bottom. It looked like what you see on piggy banks. It didn’t rattle*, so there were definitely no coins inside. What the heck is in this thing?

Any guesses? I hadn’t a clue myself, so I wiggled the plug out and peeked inside. Oh My Lanta. It was a plastic bag filled with ash. As ridiculously unbelievable as it seemed, there was no doubt in my mind that I had discovered an urn. An occupied urn. I cast about for an employee and found an older woman stocking the shelves. “Ahem. Excuse me, ma’am? Are you aware what this is?”

The woman gave me that I-just-work-here look and said, “People donate stuff, and we sell it.”

“Um…this is an urn. And it’s full.”

Her eyes got really big. “No. You can’t be serious. Are you sure?”

I unplugged it again and showed her the inside.

“Good Lord! Who on earth donates somebody’s remains?”

I suggested that the donor most likely had no idea what the object was. She reluctantly took it from me and half-jokingly wondered if she should take it home and bury the pour soul in her backyard before she came to her senses and announced she would take it up front to the manager. I honestly have no idea what happened to it after that, but I do think it more likely the ashes belong to someone’s deceased pet.

Of course, I immediately texted Merkin, who told me not to buy it. Then I texted another friend who wondered what sort of person you’d have to be to get donated to Goodwill — or what sort of haunting would be suitable for someone who would donate a person to Goodwill. When I relayed all of this to BB after she finished classes for the day, her immediate response was, “I’m sorry, Henry, but you just don’t match the furniture anymore.” I can’t fault her for that since I was thinking the exact same thing. Though, the egg was never decorated. It could’ve matched pretty much any decor. No excuse, really.

*Actually, there’s just a really good chance that what you donate won’t immediately be recognized as inappropriate.

**Yes, I did shake it, but of course I felt bad about that later when I realized what it was. Not that I could have done any damage, but it seemed disrespectful.

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What?

BB: (trying to tell me a story or something I don’t remember)

Foo4: I’m too tired. I can’t comprehend complicated sentences right now.

BB: I like frogs.

Foo4: What?

BB: I figured that was uncomplicated enough for you to understand.

Foo4: We weren’t even talking about frogs.

 


Can’t get more honest than this

When I picked up BratzBasher from school, she told me her sci-fi/fantasy teacher played a song for them that she had to share with me. I knew right away that all of you would like it. It’s “Title of the Song” by Da Vinci’s Notebook, and here’s a lyrics video she found for it on Youtube:

This is a 100% clean song — no foul language or suggestive lyrics. You’re going to want to read as you listen.


“Lord, what fools these mortals be!”*

This weekend, our family continued a 13-year-old tradition of volunteering at Shakespeare Festival St Louis in Forest Park. It’s a lot of fun, and the plays are amazing. This year, they are performing A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Merkin admitted that it’s not his favorite of Shakespeare’s plays, but they really did a great job. I laughed so hard, I could scarcely breathe. Here’s a shot of the stage before the performance:

STL Shakespeare Festival 2016

And I found these photos on the internet:

Puck and Oberon

I wondered about all the lamps, but then BratzBasher pointed out that they looked a bit like toadstools. The trees on stage and around the sides of the platforms are all “re-purposed” trees from Forest Park. There are also several doors set into the wall on three different levels, plus a mini stage set a few rows into the audience.

New this year: decorations were extended throughout Shakespeare’s Glen in the form of notices posted on trees, regarding auditions for entertainment at the royal wedding, and several fairy houses hiding under trees. I’m afraid I don’t have any photos of those, but they were adorable. Mustardseed appears to have opened up a little shop with shelves full of tiny jars of mustard.

Of course, we purchased t-shirts to add to our collection. We haven’t been able to get them every year because they often run out of our sizes by the time we go. I’ve actually picked up a shirt at Goodwill from the year they did both Henry IV and Henry V. It’s not large enough to fit any of us, but I have visions of a Shakespeare Festival t-shirt quilt in our future. I’d love to have shirts from all of the plays we’ve seen. I’m still missing Macbeth and Othello. Actually, I’m also missing Romeo and Juliet, but I don’t really like that play anyway. This year’s design looks pretty much like the poster:

Midsummer Night's Dream 2016

There are a lot of great scenes in this production, including a surprise at the end which I will not spoil. I will, however, tell you that the main fight scene between Hermia and Helena is very well choreographed, and the performance of Pyramus and Thisbe absolutely steals the show — I’m telling you IT IS EPIC. “Come, blade…s, my breast…s imbrue” is now one of my favorite lines. 

If you live in the St Louis area, the play is performed nightly (except Tuesdays) through June 26th. You should not miss it.

*This quote is spoken by Puck in Act III. scene II.


This is me.

That’s exactly what I thought when I saw today’s xkcd. I could very well be the “professor” teaching this class — or maybe the respectful student whose words appear at the bottom of panel five.

“If a wild bun is sighted, a nice gesture of respect is to send a ‘BUN ALERT’ message to friends and family, with photographs documenting the bun’s location and rank. If no photographs are possible, emoji may be substituted.”

(For those of you unfamiliar with this comic, the above quote is the bonus bit revealed when you *hover your cursor over the strip. That particular feature isn’t available in the embedded strip, but I cared enough about you to copy it out for your continued amusement. You’re welcome.)

I’ve been a big fan of this strip for years, though I admit I don’t always understand the ones about math and computer programming. The comic’s creator, Randall Munroe, also has a second series called what if? which offers “serious scientific answers to absurd hypothetical questions” such as “Could a bird deliver a standard 20″ New York-style cheese pizza in a box? And if so, what kind of bird would it take?” or “How much force power can Yoda output?” Explanations are accompanied by graphs, mathematical formulae, and amusing illustrations. If you check it out, don’t forget to hover your cursor over the illustrations. Each one has another bonus message/caption. The archive is at http://what-if.xkcd.com/archive/. I’d put a link here, but WordPress won’t let me do more than one link per post, for some reason. Weird.

*For those of you viewing the strip on your phone, you can still access the bonus message by holding your finger down on the image as if to right-click on it. BratzBasher figured that out for me. Aren’t kids smart?


Ever been sucked into the YouTube Abyss?

Whenever BratzBasher catches me watching YouTube videos, she says, “Don’t get sucked in!” It’s usually too late. If she comes back and I’m still at it, she tries to physically remove me from temptation. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I say, “You have to see this!” and she gets sucked in, too.

Yesterday, I discovered “Kid Snippets” by Bored Shorts TV. They record kids acting out scenarios (without a script) and then dub the audio onto a second video recording of adults acting out the parts. It’s dang funny. One of my favorites is the Batman v Superman Trailer. I haven’t seen that particular movie, but perhaps this parody trailer will prove more entertaining.

It occurs to me that these videos are most easily appreciated by parents who have heard/seen their own kids playing pretend — whether making up their own stories or already using well established fandoms. The things kids ad lib can be pretty hysterical, such as in the Kid Snippets version of the famous Star Wars Cantina scene when Obi Wan and Luke try to place an order at the bar and are told there’s only “blue milk”.

If you’re a parent, or someone who can appreciate children’s improv, and have some time to spare — or, better yet, have a buddy that will agree to come pull you out of the abyss if they haven’t heard from you after a certain time period has passed — check out Bored Shorts TV on YouTube. It’s pretty awesome.


Do Santa’s Reindeer Get Hazard Pay?

Why do I ask?

Do reindeer get hazard pay?

Just curious, is all.