Category Archives: humor at my expense

This is me.

That’s exactly what I thought when I saw today’s xkcd. I could very well be the “professor” teaching this class — or maybe the respectful student whose words appear at the bottom of panel five.

“If a wild bun is sighted, a nice gesture of respect is to send a ‘BUN ALERT’ message to friends and family, with photographs documenting the bun’s location and rank. If no photographs are possible, emoji may be substituted.”

(For those of you unfamiliar with this comic, the above quote is the bonus bit revealed when you *hover your cursor over the strip. That particular feature isn’t available in the embedded strip, but I cared enough about you to copy it out for your continued amusement. You’re welcome.)

I’ve been a big fan of this strip for years, though I admit I don’t always understand the ones about math and computer programming. The comic’s creator, Randall Munroe, also has a second series called what if? which offers “serious scientific answers to absurd hypothetical questions” such as “Could a bird deliver a standard 20″ New York-style cheese pizza in a box? And if so, what kind of bird would it take?” or “How much force power can Yoda output?” Explanations are accompanied by graphs, mathematical formulae, and amusing illustrations. If you check it out, don’t forget to hover your cursor over the illustrations. Each one has another bonus message/caption. The archive is at I’d put a link here, but WordPress won’t let me do more than one link per post, for some reason. Weird.

*For those of you viewing the strip on your phone, you can still access the bonus message by holding your finger down on the image as if to right-click on it. BratzBasher figured that out for me. Aren’t kids smart?


NOTE TO SELF: Pizza at 2:00 AM is never a good idea.

I had a seriously crazy dream last night involving:

  • an old high school boyfriend
  • Neil Diamond
  • toe rings
  • a de-aged brother-in-law
  • high school marching band

I can’t even begin to explain all of it, but I will say that Neil Diamond had taken a page out of Jane Seymour’s book and started his own line of jewelry called “Diamond Love”, and the father of a friend of mine had surprised his wife with His/Her toe rings from this collection for their wedding anniversary.

It was sausage pizza, by the way. That always seems to be the riskiest topping for midnight pizza snacks.

This shouldn’t bother me as much as it does.

Okay, you know those mechanical gorillas that businesses put out in front to attract customers?  And you know how sometimes they dress the gorilla up to make it more eye-catching?  That can have some unfortunate consequences, in my opinion.

There is a local business that I drive by just about every day.  They have a gorilla.  Months ago, they added a day-glo yellow vest (the kind construction workers wear).  That was fine.  It was when they added the pink tutu that things got a little weird.  You see, the gorilla doesn’t have any hips.  The tutu started slipping down just a couple of days after it appeared.  A couple of weeks ago, the tutu had arrived at a place rather low down on said gorilla,  and I can’t help thinking it looks…hmm…how shall I put this?  The gorilla appears to be exhibiting inappropriate behavior.  It’s like it’s flashing passing traffic.

I know this shouldn’t bother me.  It’s a gorilla.  Gorillas don’t even wear tutus.  It isn’t even an anatomically correct gorilla.  It does bug me, though.  Am I crazy?  And no, I will not provide a picture.

But it’s such a novel idea!

Now that my crafting is done for the year, it’s time to clean up the front room to make way for Christmas decor.  Have I mentioned how much I dislike cleaning?  When I noticed that Her Ladyship (my dressmaker’s dummy) was stationed in front of the window where our tree usually goes, I suggested to BratzBasher that we simply decorate Her Ladyship as if she were the tree.  BB was not amused. I thought it was a great idea.  Think of the many sewing-theme ornaments I could add:

  • measuring tape garlands
  • spools of thread
  • scissors
  • buttons, snaps, and buckles
  • zipper rosettes
  • swatches of fabric
  • ribbon/elastic bows
  • everything could be attached with velcro
  • “Made by Mommy” tags
  • and many, many more!

So what non-tree item is in your house that could be decorated like a Christmas tree?  No, really.  I want to know.  Amuse me.

Frustrated is an understatement.

I don’t believe they’ve yet invented the word to describe the process of establishing an UMSL email account, but I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to pronounce it without being excommunicated.

Other than that, I’m fine.  How are you?

“He was a good fish.”

Well, that’s that.  The virtual fish program to which I’ve been battling an app addiction has a new update that’s not compatible with my device.  It’s an “update or nothing” situation, so…bye-bye fishies.  It’s time to go cold turkey.  Actually, I think BratzBasher is more disappointed about it than I am.  Ah well.  Such is life. 

Of course, I still have the other fish app that I downloaded for children to use.  It’s got cuter fish, but it’s less commitment.  Plus, fish don’t die if you miss a day.  The only thing that bugs me about it is that the mermaids you can buy for your tank bounce.  A lot.  If you know what I mean.  I won’t buy them, but I’ve seen them in other people’s tanks.  It’s a bit obscene.  And weird.  Definitely weird.

By the way…if you can guess what show the title of this post is from…well, it’s probably a sign that (like me) you watched too much television in the ’80s.  Bonus points if you can tell me who said it and what the episode was about.  Hint: the star of the show is a famous comedian.

Gee, thanks.

I just got spammed by a robot spouting Nietzsche: “One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.”  Ouch.  The comment was posted to my “about me” page.  Actually, it would’ve been funnier if it had been added to my last post .