self-improvement and goals and junk

So I’ve figured out the downside to being on a medication that successfully pulls you back into reality: you have to face reality.  Before, I had no motivation and no ambition.  I just wanted to sit on the couch and do crossword puzzles and sleep.  Not necessarily at the same time, but that was pretty much it.  Now, I don’t want to do crossword puzzles, I don’t want to sit on the couch, and I definitely don’t want to take a nap.  I want to do something…but I don’t know what.  I need a goal.

Do I want to go back to school and get a degree/certification/whatever?  No, because then I’d have to figure out what I’m going back to learn.  I don’t know what I want to know.

Okay…Do I want a job?  Probably not.  Maybe.  Doesn’t matter because nobody wants to hire me.  I’ve only been turned down for two jobs, but I know when I’m not wanted.  If I can’t get a job I’m perfect for, why should I expect to get a job for which I have no qualifications?  Oh, wait — I could work at McDonald’s.  No.  No, I could not.  I’m never going to be that desperate.  Besides, the last thing I want to do is apply to work at McDonald’s and get turned down because — Hello!  If McDonald’s doesn’t want you, there really is something wrong with you.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, the job thing.  So I thought that maybe I just need to brush up on my marketable job skills, right?  I installed this typing program on our computer so I could improve my speed and accuracy and maybe learn how to do that top row that I could never do without looking.  Um…I’m still looking.  Looking isn’t helping.  Who designed this darn thing anyway?  Why must the zero be hit with the pinky finger?  It’s almost directly above the “O” key, which is hit with the ring finger.  It’s all stu***.  I’m switching to 10-key.  I know I can do that.

And I really am hating this new keyboard.  I know it’s nicer, but my fingers do not like it.  They keep hitting multiple keys at a time and overshooting others.  I guess I just have to get used to it.  It’s not like I can pack around my own keyboard to job interviews or whatever.

I’m sort of thinking of signing on with a temp agency.  I haven’t committed to that yet, though.  I probably wouldn’t get anything that route, either.  I did sign on with a temp agency once before when I was in college.  That netted exactly zero jobs.  I’m just not a marketable person.  I’m not completely incompetent, though.  I can do stuff.  Let’s see…

  • I can type accurately (with a comfortable keyboard) at a reasonable speed (especially if I’m allowed to hit the “backspace” button — unlike in those tests the typing program gives me)
  • I can do inventory like nobody’s business.
  • I can file — alphabetically, chronologically, etc.
  • I can stock shelves and arrange merchandise in a pleasing display.
  • I can work a cash register.
  • I can answer a phone.
  • I can do basic math and calculate a register report to determine the day’s profits.
  • I can interpret user manuals and rewrite them in a simpler, more user-friendly format.
  • I can speak/write English.
  • I can decipher bad handwriting (in context).
  • I can train people to do anything I can do myself (except people who are untrainable, like Kooky Lady).
  • I can create organization from chaos (though you wouldn’t know it by looking in my house).
  • I learn new tasks/concepts quickly.

That all makes me sound pretty good, right?  Now let’s look at my drawbacks:

  • I’ve had a total of four jobs in the last 16 years, and the longest lasted about 3 years.
  • I’ve got a volunteer commitment that limits my availability by one day for the next few months.
  • I’d rather not work on Sundays because I’d like to be able to attend church.
  • I apparently don’t interview well because people know before I walk out the door that they’ll never call me.  I know this because I interviewed at a store that was hiring people on the spot, and I was one of the first ten people interviewed.
  • I kind of have a bad back.  I don’t tell potential employers about it, but it limits the types of jobs for which I might apply.
  • I can’t make phone calls.  It’s a weird thing that I accept about myself.  It’s inconvenient, but it just is.
  • I’m not enough of a people person to do sales.

I could be happy just crafting all the time if there were a purpose behind my crafting.  Craft projects don’t last forever, though.  I’d need a reason to continue doing them.  I can’t sell my crafts because nobody else wants them.

Okay, now I’m just getting depressed again.  I think I’ll go find something else to do.  I have no idea what.


About foo4luv

I'm a married, bum-around-the-house mom with one child, BratzBasher, who is the only thing in the universe cuter than a bunny nose. I enjoy reading, crafts, sewing unusual Halloween costumes, and taking long walks through Jo-Ann. View all posts by foo4luv

5 responses to “self-improvement and goals and junk

  • Rebecca J

    Oh, you and I have so much in common. I’m thinking about going back to school to learn something useful, but I don’t know what useful thing I’d be good at. I don’t interview well, either. I get hired mainly by desperate people or people who are too lazy to look very hard.

    This is not a helpful comment, is it? I’m sorry. Maybe you should have some cake or something. Cake always helps me.

  • bythelbs

    I’m right there with you, but I’ve decided I don’t have to have a job to feel useful. I’m not sure what I have to do to feel useful, but I don’t have to have a job. It’s nice that I’ve come to that conclusion because, like you, I don’t feel I have a lot of real marketable skills.

    Since you’re such a good sewer, is that something you could do for some kind of humanitarian project? I know crafting can get old, but perhaps crafting with a greater purpose wouldn’t exhaust the joy of it as quickly. Or maybe it would exhaust the joy of it more quickly. Never mind. I’m going to go eat cake now.

  • Lorrie Munson

    Skip the cake unless you are going to lunch with a friend. I remember when I felt like you do. I decided I would go back to school with the only one goal, get an education. It was wonderful. After years of learning I ended up with a masters. The most important thing was I loved how I felt and the thoughts my mind could think. Some times starting without an end in mind is just fine. (Sorry Mr. Covey)

  • bythelbs

    No, I was speaking metaphorically. Or something.

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