So there’s this girl in BratzBasher’s class. She’s named after a continent, so we’ll call her…oh…how about Antarctica? Anyway…Antarctica is all kinds of idiot. I can say this about her because she’s also a bully. In third grade, when Antarctica brought brownies for the class on her birthday , she skipped BratzBasher and claimed she’d already given BB one. Then she ate the extra brownie herself.
Antarctica also steals things out of people’s desks. BB’s current teacher got tired of BB’s complaints about missing mechanical pencils and finally banned all mechanical pencils from the classroom. Still concerned about theft of her pencils, BratzBasher was thrilled when Merkin ordered her a gross of customized pencils online. They read:
THE SHINIGAMI INSURANCE CO
BRATZBASHER – CEO
NOBUSERI POLICIES AVAILABLE
Normally, BratzBasher hates the feel of wooden pencils – hence the switch to mechanical this year, but she’s happy to use the cool, new ones Merkin got her. In case any of you are wondering, “Shinigami” refers to Japanese gods of death, and “nobuseri” is Japanese for bandits (from the two anime series Death Note and Samurai 7, respectively).
I’ve met Antarctica while helping at class parties and as a room mom. The girl has only three facial expressions:
- the scrunched up “huh?” (only the left side of the face is scrunched)
- blank, open-mouthed stare
- umm…No, I take it back, she’s only got two facial expressions.
When BratzBasher was in third grade, her teacher fell ill, and the class had a very pregnant substitute teacher for the rest of the semester. I went in to help a few times. On one day, I was in charge of helping kids through a math/spelling worksheet. Each letter of the alphabet was associated with a certain coin, and the children had to figure out the total value of their spelling words. Antarctica was having great difficulty with this. Understandable, considering she actually thought a quarter was 45 cents.
Antarctica once tried to insult BratzBasher by telling her, “You’re as smart as I am dumb.” She couldn’t understand why BratzBasher was so pleased by that remark.
Lately, Merkin and I have been pointing out all the great things that BratzBasher has to look forward to in middle school. One of them is the fact that there is absolutely no possibility that Antarctica will be in the same math or English class as BB. This point was driven home again today when BratzBasher informed us that Antarctica got caught fudging her spelling homework.
The students were told to write out the definition of each spelling word, using a dictionary. the teacher warned them that she would know if they hadn’t used an actual dictionary. Antarctica got busted today in front of the whole class for not following these instructions.
Teacher: Antarctica, did you use a dictionary for your spelling homework?
Teacher: That’s strange. These definitions are wrong. In fact, the page numbers you so helpfully provided are wrong, too. For instance, “anything” is not on page 132 in any dictionary.
That’s right, folks. Not only did she make up her own (incorrect) definitions, she provided page numbers from which she supposedly got those definitions, and she didn’t even know enough to make those page numbers realistic.
Here’s my artistic rendition of Antarctica’s scrunchy Huh? face:
Yeah, I didn’t know it was shaped like that either. I mean, in theory, I knew it went all the way around the pole, but I’d only ever seen it as a flat bit at the bottom of the map, y’know?
Points to anyone who can tell me which famous character I bogarted the eyes from.